Bad boi Canada
by LethalIngenuity
Summary: Canada is a badass, and tonight is the night that England finds out about it.


This fanfic was supposed to be emotional and sad and angst!Matthew and Sorry!England but instead it came out like this. Oh editted a bit because I noticed I'm using two tenses.

* * *

"Thanks for coming Arthur. It would have been a problem if you couldn't."

"No problem, lad."

Arthur and Matthew quietly sat in a police cruiser that lay on the side of the highway. It was the night after the G20 meeting, and the Toronto police were short on men, so they asked Matthew to help out in the night shift. Many nations stayed after the G20 meeting to admire the awesomeness of Canada, and how it's not just America's fucking hat - which is what Matthew would say over and over to himself in the mirror. England had been one of these nations, and knowing that the older nation would have no one to hang out with, Matthew invited Arthur to come patrol with him, stating that he would be lonely and he wanted someone to talk with. The reality was that Matthew didn't want the older nation getting drunk because then that would ruin the plan and he would have to spend his entire night chasing after a man in a white dress wearing cheap dollar store wings. Plus, Arthur was part of the plan.

"Toronto's quite a boring place". Arthur thought out loud.

Matthew laughed, knowing that Arthur had no clue how badass Toronto was. Because it was in Canada, which already makes it badass. But instead of saying such things, he checked his phone which had begun vibrating in his pocket.

* * *

_From: Alfred Fucking Jones._  
_Message: Yo bromeo, got the cargo? The special package?_

_From: Matthew Williams._  
_Message: If you mean Arthur, yes, he's with me._

_From: Alfred Fucking Jones._  
_Message: ALRIGHT LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED.  
_

* * *

"Yeah, pretty boring." He replied, as he closed his phone shut.

As if on cue, a black Nissan goes speeding by them.

"Finally." Matthew muttered, as he turned on the sirens and followed. The Nissan doesn't slow down or pull over. In fact, it seemed as if it was speeding up. Matthew sped up as well. They were the only two cars on the 401, which should have been odd, but Arthur doesn't know this because he hasn't ever spent any time inside badass Canada or Matthew. Plus, Arthur drives on the wrong side of the road.

"Shouldn't we call for backup?"

Matthew shook his head and softly replied, "No need. I've got this under control. I'm totally badass today".  
Using the fender of the car, Matthew sped up and nudged the Nissan. The black car slightly swerves, and then steadies itself. Then the top hatch of the Nissan came off, and Matthew could just slightly make out a figure pointing a rifle at the police cruiser. Matthew swerved the car just in time to avoid a barrage of blue paint ball pellets.

Through the headlights of the police cruiser, Arthur saw that the figure had black hair which was poorly dyed (blond splotches appeared here and there), and vibrant blue eyes that hid behind a pair of ever so familiar glasses. The driver of the Nissan was looking back out the window, platinum hair flowing in the wind, cackling a very loud and obnoxious 'kesesesese'.

"Are they who I think they are?.."

Matthew nodded, a stoic expression on his face.

"Yes. It's Alfredo sauce and Gillion dollars. The two most notorious wangsters that ever roamed the streets of Toronto"

When he saw Arthur's incredulous look, Matthew couldn't help but laugh.

"Whenever I'm called out for cop duty, Alfred and Gil always want to play cops and robbers. It's our own little game."

Arthur slammed his head on the dashboard and muttered something about where he went wrong in raising the two boys, and how he thought Matthew would have known better than to go along with Alfred's shenanigans. Alfred continued to pepper the police car with pellets, patriotically painting the windshield like the stars and stripes. Matthew turned on the windshield wiper and squinted.

"Arthur, look at the glove compartment. Is there a panel with numbers there?"

Having decided that it would be better to just go along with it, Arthur glanced over at the glove compartment.

"Yes."

"Okay, now enter these numbers and press enter after each one. 5-14-7-12-1-14-4-3-1-14-19-21-3-11-13-25-3-15-16"

"Blimey Matthew, that's a shite load"  
exclaimed Arthur, punched in each key. The glove compartment opened and revealed a large red button.

"Press the red button."

Arthur had expected something big to happen, but instead, another compartment was revealed, this one with wires and such.

"Alright, now I want you to cut the blue and red wires, and cross them over so that they make an x formation. And you gotta be quick or else the car might blow up. It's set to blow up two minutes after you've pressed the red button."

Frantically, Arthur crosses the blue and red wires in the correct formation. When he did so, the car shuddered and made a loud beeping noise. He looked up and saw a flying boxing glove hit Alfred squarely in the chest, the force making him drop his gun. Alfred flipped them off and pulled out a real gun.

"Take the wheel"

Not waiting for a response, Matthew adjusted himself so that the upper half of his body so that he was half way out the window like a badass. Arthur leaned over and was now driving trying to avoid the real bullets. Arthur could have sworn he heard music that was very fitting to the situation in the background.

"Bloody hell. Who brings real guns into a game of cops and robber? That's total bollocks."

"I know, eh?"

Matthew had withdrawn his own pistol as well, and was now shooting back at Alfred. Matthew had managed to pop one of their tires, but Alfred managed to do the same. By the time the black Nissan had crashed in a ditch, Alfred and Gilbert had already took off, having conveniently found two motorcycles near by.

"I guess we've lost this 'game'"

Arthur was glad. Now he could go home and sip on his tea and eat a crumpet in peace.

"Fuck no, this game is just getting started".

Matthew whistled into the air, and suddenly a moose appeared. He hopped on board and grabbed Arthur's arm, pulling him and plopping him down so that he was sitting in front of Matthew. Arthur looked back and Matthew had instantaneously changed into a badass police Mountie uniform. With a kick of Matthew's heel, the moose was off, chasing after the two motorcycles. Some how, the moose had managed to catch up to the two vehicles. Then a speed chase begins filled with bullets and polar bears and hockey sticks and music and freedom and Matthew, Arthur, Alfred and Gilbert all the way to harbour front but that part of the story will remain mysterious.

"You've got nowhere to go"

"The popo has got nothing on us!"

Arthur sighed, and felt a drop of water fall on his cheek. He looked up and saw that it was already dawn, and the sky was very cloudy. When he looked back at the lake, he had to squint because he swore he saw a pirate ship in the distance. The pirate ship then docked, and Gilbert and Alfred jumped on board.

"Fusosososo!"

A figure came swooping down from the mast of the ship. He had a mop of brown hair and green eyes, and kind of stumbled when he landed, but that's okay because he still looked cool with his pirate outfit.

Arthur was befrazzled.

"Spain?..."

The ship started to sail.

Matthew grabbed the moose's antlers and revved it up like a motorcycle. Before Arthur could even think about what Matthew was doing, the moose was galloping on the pier and had jumped, flying gracefully through the air and landing with a thud on the ship's deck.

Matthew quickly dismounted the moose, and ripped off his badass Mountie uniform, revealing an even more badass captain's pirate uniform underneath. A sword materialized in his hand, and he begun to fight against Alfred and Prussia. Arthur had found his mouth full of Antonio's hand, and then found himself on the ground. It had suddenly started to rain. Arthur suddenly felt his pirate instincts overcome his gentleman instincts. Sensing this, Matthew grabbed a fallen Gilbert's sword, and tossed it to Arthur. Arthur caught it in the air, and felt himself reliving the days of when he was a pirate. He began to spar with Antonio, rain clashing down all around him. Arthur had managed to knock down Antonio, and had a sword pointed at his throat. Arthur had always and will always be the better pirate.

"Any last words?"

"Yeah. Fuck this"

To Arthur's horror, Antonio pulled out a gun, and Arthur remembered that they were actually living in the 21st century. The music that had been playing suddenly got slower, and took on a more somber tone. When Antonio had pulled the trigger, Matthew dove in front of Arthur, taking the bullet. Matthew had also managed to shoot the Spaniard back, judging by the blood spewing from his stomach. Alfred, who had taken a break to eat a hamburger, had seen all this and had this great look of surprise. He hadn't been expecting Antonio to actually pull out a real gun. He dove to Matthew's side, the black dye on his hair washing off in the rain.

"Mattie! Mattie! I'm sorry! I never meant for it to get this far! I never thought you would seriously get hurt!". He cried, cradling Matthew in his arms. Arthur had approached Matthew, and saw that the bullet pierced his chest. He kneeled down beside Matthew and held his hand . Matthew shakingly reached out to Arthur's face with his other hand. He stroked the nations cheek.

"I'm sorry Arthur. I wish I could have been a better nation.."

"Don't say that lad. You've made me proud".

Arthur felt tears well up in his eyes. Was this really how Matthew would disappear? From a play fight gone wrong?

"Arthur... I... I'm sorry..."

Matthew's hand went limp. Alfred screamed and howled to the sky. Gilbert was up on his feet and pushed Arthur and Alfred out of the way.

"This is so not awesome"

Matthew's eyes fluttered.

"Gilbert? Is that you?"

Gilbert nodded.

"Gilbert... It looks like I won't be making pancakes for you anymore."

Gilbert held back a sob. He brushed a strand of blond hair away from Matthew's face. He then slowly leaned forward, closing his eyes, his lips almost brushing against Matthew's.

"CUT!"

Elizabeta ran down from the stairs of the pirate ship. To Alfred and Arthur's surprise, both Matthew and Antonio quickly stood up, grinning like maniacs and high - fiveing each other.

"Hey! You didn't tell me about that part of the movie!"

"I did, you weren't paying attention"

"Movie?..."

Arthur stood there with an incredulous look on his face.

"This was a movie?.." Arthur exclaimed. Francis came hopping along.

"Oui mon ami. The costumes are magnificent, non?" He pointed towards the pirate outfits that Spain and Canada were wearing.

Elizabeta saw Roderich strolling along the harbour towards the ship.

"Roderich! Wonderful background music!"

He raised his violin and nodded.

"Just what the hell is going on here!"

Matthew turned to Arthur and chuckled.

"Well, we wanted to enter in to Kiku's film contest, and Elizabeta wanted to create a romance movie, but Prussia and Alfred both argued that it should be an action flick. Francis called Spain because according to him, we needed something passionate with a flare of sexy. And we needed Norway to perform some magic and make it rain." The nordic nodded, a stoic expression on his face.

"... And why was I not told of any of this?"

Alfred joined in to the conversation. "Because we thought we'd make a better movie if we had real genuine emotions." He winked at Arthur.

England had then combusted on the spot and destroyed everyone except for Canada, because he's too badass for that.

* * *

the code Matthew gives England spells out England can suck my cock. Or something like that.


End file.
